Home sweet Court
The moment I hear the ball echoing as it's bounced on the hard gym floor
The electricity running through me, shocking the crowd with my moves
I know this is where I belong
Miss, Make, Brick, Foul, Success and Failure
The tension builds up like skyscrapers
Time runs thin like paper
Shoes start squeaking like street mice
Crowd screaming, electricity streaming, buzzer beeping
Win or lose, my back reads 21
The court I play upon, I claim my home
i liked how you described basketball as a home to you. I also liked the metaphors you used to compare basketball to other things.
ReplyDeletei like how she talked about her home differently.
ReplyDeleteThis poem was short but effective. You showed how win or lose you will always love basketball and how much it means to you.
ReplyDeleteI thought the poem was great in the sense of how you made a thing(basketball) your home. I also thought you did a good job explaining yourself on the court.
ReplyDeleteMy favorite thing is the title.It's usually "home sweet home" bur for Jayden, the court is her home. I like the very descriptive words she used to describe how she feels on the court. She's very word heavy and i really really enjoy that aspect about this poem. It makes me feel as if i can play basketball.
ReplyDeleteI like the metaphors you used in your poem. I also like the rhyming.
ReplyDeletei liked how your poem was to the point and i also likes how you talked about something you like to do and you show how you relate to you poem. i also enjoyed how you talk about your experiences through the poem such as how you make a mistake but you keep going "Miss, Make, Brick, Foul, Success and Failure".
ReplyDeletei like how you talked about basketball and a lot off creative stuff good
ReplyDeletei liked how she made me feel like i was there with her.
ReplyDeleteFabulous girl!!
ReplyDeleteThe literary devices you have in your poem spices it up which makes it really nice to enjoy. You playing basketball is definitely something you will continue to do because it feels like home. I love the part "win or lose my back reads 21". This shows good sportsmanship which is great being a team player.
Let that electricity run and keep up the good work!
i liked how through out your poem you were proud of the type of player you are and you took confidence and said how the crowd is screaming because of your moves but mainly how you expressed who you are on the court how your not the straight a student or the girl that can dance your that basketball player that everyone loves your number #21.
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ReplyDeleteYass like it love how you use metaphors to compare the way you feel on the court to different things overall great job $$$
ReplyDeleteI liked how you described your actual home as a court and used different senses to help emphasize what emotions pass through you and also thoughts that go through your head when playing basketball.
ReplyDeleteI like your poem and how it flows through as one. I can image you on the court like how your at the games here at South Loop and you hit the 3's and then miss one but win or lose you still tried your best. I can understand your desire for basketball and how much it means to you. The figurative language you use helps me understand what you are saying because I don't get basketball that well. I like how you say "the electricity running through me shocking the crowd with your moves" because its like how the games be and the crowd goes like "number 21 on fire" because they feel your heat that ou bring to the floor.
ReplyDeletei liked the literary devices she used it really made to poem come together.
ReplyDeleteCaleb Saulsberry; I liked your use of metaphor and rhyme. It's short but still well written. I liked the idea of how even though you may lose the game it doesn't change who you are. I also like how you say the court is the place you call home. I learned from you that basketball is your true calling and how much you enjoy it.
ReplyDeleteLove it Boo, I absolute love the way you express your love for basketball.
ReplyDeleteIt is interesting how you made the court your home, I think its an amazing way to show how passionate you are about this hobby/game. Its well put together and has a really cool flow that I can't get enough of (I literally keep reading it).
My favorite part was "Win or lose, my back reads 21". I am really proud of you and the way you wrote this poem.
Literally this poem was great, not surprised it came from you :)
I really liked how your poem was talking about your favorite thing to do and it was also short and not too long. I also liked the line where it said "Miss,Make,Brick,Foul, Success and Failure because to me it had me thinking about to not give up if you miss a shot or make a mistake.
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed how this poem was short but had a lot of power and meaning behind it. When you used the word "electricity", I could feel the energy and excitement you were trying to make the audience feel and i think that was very good word choice. I also noticed the phrase "Crowd screaming, electricity streaming" and I enjoyed how there was a rhyme and it did not sound forced, while still having a large vocabulary. Great job, I'm looking forward to hearing more poems from you in the future.
ReplyDeleteI really like the movement that you capture with the following line: "Miss, Make, Brick, Foul, Success and Failure." You can experience the feeling of you playing. Also, you offer a lot of rich metaphors, in the form of similes (e.g. tension building up like skyscrapers, time running thin like paper and shoes squeaking like mice). These descriptions bring me in, all the way in...court side, as you share this meaningful and formative part of your identity.
ReplyDeleteAs far as qualifying your poem before presenting it, don't...you are a poet just as worthy as Sidney. In addition, to claiming your home on the court, claim your place as a poet!
I like the words that you used to describe the gym floor. I also like how you put yourself out in a way that the gym is where you belong. I like the similes "The tension builds up like skyscrapers"and how "Time runs thin like paper." This really gives me an idea on what it would look like in the exact moment. You also bring out the positives and negatives of being on the court. I thought that you could have described more of the features that are on the court.
ReplyDeleteYour title was creative because most people stick to the simple "Home Sweet Home". I also liked how your poem isn't just about winning its about the good and bad times in basketball. I think this could be a good motivation poem you can present to up coming girls and boys that want to play basketball.
ReplyDeletei liked how you showed that a court can be your home and how you showed us that its not that easy and how you used good metaphors.
ReplyDeletei like how you put the poem about your self like the part when you said your back reads 21 because that is your number. i also like how you where talking about failure because at the end you said this is where i belong so even if you fail your saying you going to keep doing it because the court is your home
ReplyDeleteI understand the love you have for the game, because you're saying you're comfortable on the court, and your made for moments like that. The way I felt when you read your poem, is that my skill and hard is untouchable compared to your game. I spotted very clever figures of speech, like simile, alliteration, and I noticed you weren't even trying to rhyme, you just got out what was on your mind. Overall, this poem was very understandable, and cool.
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