5:00 a.m
Why do you cry? With your stained glass green eyes? Arms stained with regret
No.
Who are you to forget?
Don’t forget her bright eyes that were full of life, even when she was dying. Don’t forget she took care of you when your parents seemingly forgot how to. Don’t forget she was your best friend for the first ten years of your life. Don’t forget the day she was rushed into the hospital, because she was frail, and god being the vulture he is said “TIMES UP!”
No.
She fought for years, never once letting go, like raindrops on a spiderweb.
But guess what? You never had a death so close to your heart and soul.
So, you never visited.
And maybe it was because you were lazy, or couldn’t bare to see the cancer take over her body. You picked petals from a flower saying “alive, dead, alive, dead” but in the end, the flower died. Now she’s gone.
Wanda Jane Hickey, died in October of 2013 of pancreatic cancer.
And the person who you’re looking at?
I’m a bad person.
I didn’t see her, even though i knew her final days were coming up. I knew it was her final days. She’s gone, dead.
And i'm here, alive, wishing i wasn’t. Wishing i didn't have such a guilty conscious. And everything feels like my fault.
And it is. It’s my fault.
…
I saw her, looking at peace, finally. Her skin yellow, hair grey, and she smelt of her favorite perfume. I held her pruned up hand, and i said “why would you do this to me?”
It’s all my fault.
Don’t come up to me after this and say “it’s not your fault” because it is! It is all my fault.
Because maybe if i was there, she would have had some sort of a will to not let go. Maybe she would be holding me right now, saying everything is ok. Maybe i wouldn’t be in front of you right now.
So, now i hope you understand why no one can ever tear down my walls
Now i hope you understand why i can’t let people into my heart
That’s why i’m angry.
That’s why my heart is cold.
What have i become?
I'm sorry.
i like that is was a long peace and you had a lot of emotion love the poem
ReplyDeleteI like your confidence that you had to present your poem. You still did good. Your Poem was very emotional. Sorry for your lost.
ReplyDeleteAva!! This was a really powerful poem, i teared up a little bit. You are truly a gifted writer..but i'm so sorry for your loss :(
ReplyDeleteim so sorry ava that you lost your grandmother i know how that feels :( and your very brave to tell us all your story and let us know about your grandma and what happened nut its truly not your fault.. keep your head up!
ReplyDeletei'm sorry for your lost. it took a lot of heart and strength to write a poem this sad. i haven't ever felt this way but i know it feels bad by the way it made you feel.
ReplyDeleteI can't relate to losing someone close. I know you said don't say it wasn't your fault, but it's not. I'm sure she didn't want to let go. Cancer sucks man. I'm sorry for your loss.
ReplyDeleteAva the poem that you made was amazing. If you didn't see me, I was crying too. This touched my heart so much because I have had 5 people in my family have cancer, 3 of which who died. I believed that it was amazing how you weren't afraid to put it out there like I was.
ReplyDeleteVery proud of you!!
Also I love how you put why you don't believe in God. Also I think it is powerful and bold of you for doing so.
Deletei liked how you were talking about your grandmother and how you were using figurative language throughout the poem and it meant a lot to you
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry that you had to go through that. I know it was hard reciting your poem but you went up there with courage. You should know that she never let go of you. I like how you kept asking questions, that helped build up the emotion in the poem and helped me feel your pain. Your poem is amazing.
ReplyDeleteGreat Job!
kennedy- your poem was good and deep. it was like i felt what you was going through. keep your head up. im so sorry, your grandmother fought the long fight. it made me feel so sorry for you.
ReplyDeletethis is such a beautiful and touching poem. i can relate to much of this poem and you are really brave to make a poem about how you feel. great great job - julienne
ReplyDeleteAva this was very emotional:( I hate to see anyone cry because I am a very emotional person. I now truly understand why you seem to have a barrier around you. Amazing performance!
ReplyDeleteI know how it is to lose someone, but I can't even imagine how it is to write something as emotional as that, and go through with it. I thought that you did a good job finding a way to put literary devices into it.
ReplyDeleteThis comment was written by Braun
DeleteI liked how your poem got us to know the real you and we got to know how you feel. I know this meant a lot especially on the subject that you chose. It was great you were able to put yourself out there like that because I probably wouldn't have.
ReplyDeleteI loved how you told a story by using your emotions and poured your heart out when describing what it was like going through your own hard times. I also enjoyed how the words you used also showed emotions through and through.
ReplyDeleteThat was so good. I'm speechless. Nothing can describe how powerful and emotional I and so many other in the room must have felt. I really really loved it and love how brave you were to present this. It just goes to show how strong of a person you are and how you've been through so much but you are still here and thriving. You are an amazing, beautiful person with an amazing personality. Thank you so much for allowing me to be a person in your life. Great job again.
ReplyDelete