As I walk through the doorway I get hit with the smell of a clean carpet and warmth.
As I take a few more steps I look at my surroundings.
The middle of the room is empty,
so empty that I feel I could fall to the ground and fall on a soft plush carpet.
As I look around I remember when my baby brother first slept in here,
or when I made a fort out of pillows and blankets.
But I find myself looking up at the eighteen foot ceiling
thinking about the time I got my first bunk bed and when I redid my room,
How excited I was to have a place to call home.
I like how you brought your memories into this, it makes it feel 'homey'
ReplyDeleteHow do you describe homey?
Deletememories made in a houme can make a home have a different feel. A house doesn't have any personal touches, but a home holds memories, that's what I mean.
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Deletehome not houme**
Deletehomey-like cozy and home??
Deleteoh ok nvm
DeleteI like how your able to have good memories when you walk into your room, also I liked how you included your little brother that was very sweet!
ReplyDeleteI liked it!
ReplyDeleteIt was short, sweet, and to the point. It showed how grateful you where and you added some old memories which was really nice, good job!
I like how he had just all positivity about his home. There is no negative space. I also like how he talks about his memories in his house.
ReplyDeleteyour poem was nice glad it was an actally poem if you know what i mean (: but you used alot of imagery and it was a nice poem overal good job (@:
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Deletei like that he told a story about what happen in his rooms and the memories that happen in there.
ReplyDeletei like how you were talking about your brother and how you felt when you first walked.Knowing that you moved into another house
ReplyDeleteI liked how you talked about your memories
ReplyDeletei liked how you put your family into the poem and saying how they are a part of home."I my baby brother first slept in here, or when I made a fort out of pillows and blankets.
ReplyDeleteI liked how you described everything as baby. I also liked how you remembered where your baby brother too his first steps.
ReplyDeleteNice! I always knew that family and your home was important to you but you emphasized it and added literary devices to take us back in time and gave us a sense of how much it truly means to you.
ReplyDeleteit was nice how he was talking about his house as he just moved in
ReplyDeleteI liked your poem and your imagery. I can image a picture of you making a fort for your little brother. It's short but you kept it simple.
ReplyDeletei like how you didnt do it about your entire poem you did it about the place you go into everyday the place you work and live the place thats more home than your actual home
ReplyDeleteI like how you used memories that you have of certain moments of your life and put them into the poem and used different details to describe them.
ReplyDeleteThere's something here about the newness of your place, the emptiness but the hope in turning a house into a home that I really enjoyed. There's more here to explore, in the unnamed and undeveloped spaces, but maybe that was part of the point.
ReplyDeleteits was short but deep and i like that about the poem and you shared your memories with us
ReplyDeleteNice Braunie!
ReplyDeleteNice and short, straight forward. Falling is something not so nice but when you are falling on a soft plush carpet it seems nice and elegant. You must love your brother a lot because he is in a lot of your poems.
I liked how your place you called home was when you first had your own room. Most people did their home currently. I like the title of the poem. It's short but still is powerful. Good job.
ReplyDeleteI liked the idea of you describing your real home and how it's the luckiest thing you have. Instead of describing just one thing you liked and you described your exact home. I also like how you went back to when you first moved in.
ReplyDeleteI really liked how your poem was describing your memories
ReplyDeleteI like how you talk about all the memories that you have had in this room and how descriptive you are while you give us an image about how your room is. This poem seemed original because you did it about your room and not about your city or one of your hobbies.
ReplyDeleteI can tell that this poem is about when you moved from your old house to your new house. The new smell, the narrow hallways... I've had that feeling multiple times. And everything is completely different.
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