Open Your Eyes
Open Your Eyes for eternity waits,
Like a cobra in the grass.
Heaven will open their gates,
Been 10 years still, waiting for time to pass.
I'm at paradise waves aren’t rough,
A tiny tsunami hits with a roar.
Seems those tour guides were bluff,
The city is smashed with the hammer from thor.
At the United Center, seconds left on the clock,
Jimmy drives to the bucket the defender is crossed.
The Ref’s make a decision with bad eyes like a hawk,
The shot clock sounds ERR, we lost.
In school so bored I might fall out,
Teacher reading like a turtle so very slow.
We got a test, man I wanted to shout,
Millions of questions I didn’t even know.
But it's not upon me to decide my luck,
It's the universe to decide our fates.
But I still believe I haven’t been struck,
Open Your Eyes for eternity waits.
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ReplyDeleteI like how you gave different examples relating to your title. Your choice of words was very creative.
ReplyDeleteyou should off put jimmy drives to the hole and gets blocked
ReplyDeletehighly disagree with this comment
Deletei said you should off put it because it rhythm with what he was saying
Deleteohh
DeleteEven though you didn't have to rhyme, the rhyming made it flow well. You used some good literary devices that made each stanza stand out. I also think that the title really helps interpret your poem.
ReplyDeleteWell done.
agree
DeleteI agree
DeleteI like how you used your first sentence as your first and last line. I like how it was written with a rhyme scheme. I thought your multi modal was a good picture. I also liked the emotion and feeling behind it. Nice job.
ReplyDeleteI liked how you included the bulls and didn't put that they won because typically people would've put that they won instead of them losing.
ReplyDeletei like how you were talking about different things.also how you were talking about the bulls and telling us what happens and how you feel about the universe
ReplyDeletei like that about the poem too
Deletebut i like how you had basketball in it and you had a bunch examples
ReplyDeleteYour poem was well put together. I also liked how you made references about Jimmy Butler, school, and thor.
ReplyDeleteBraun-I liked how you went through different parts of your life and how you tried to mix literary devices into it. you also did a good job expressing other things that have or may happen.
ReplyDeletenot braun
DeleteRichard- I really liked how your poem was talking about different things such as basketball and school and not just one thing.
ReplyDeletei liked how clever your figurative language was when you were like "Like a cobra in the grass" and "The Ref’s make a decision with bad eyes like a hawk" my favorite part was when you was like "Jimmy drives to the bucket the defender is crossed" because not only is he my favorite player but you used clever word play by saying bucket instead of the hole since people call jimmy buckets then you said the defender is crossed that relates to when he dribbles the ball and he crosses up his defenders or "breaks their ankles" but i liked your poem over all it was a mixture of different topics that all had the same meaning.
ReplyDeleteI like how you used different ways to describe the events that happen around you, and how you did´t continuously say the same things over and over again.
ReplyDeleteThis poem took deep thought... I feel the meaning of this poem. Get your head out of the clouds, not everything goes your way. Like how you won't get every call you want. (related to the poem) I spotted some literary devices like Hyperbole, Simile, and Allusion.
ReplyDeletei like how you talked about different things but still expresses the understanding or idea of opening your eyes
ReplyDeleteThis is an interesting poem, but I feel like you have danced around the topic of exploring aspects of your culture and identity--never really diving in. As a result I find myself with a lot of questions:
ReplyDeleteWhat did you mean by the line, "Been 10 years still, waiting for time to pass?" Why 10 years?
In the beginning you say you're at paradise, but near the end you say, "I still believe I haven't been struck?" What do you mean there?
Also, do you think I read like a turtle? It's ok if you do (not really), but do I actually read like a turtle? LOL...That was a funny stanza, even though you throwin' shade...it's cool, bro.
You give the reader a lot of clues about things you're into and alternately, things you're not into. For me, that adds a lot of complexity to your person, but I do believe there was a missed opportunity in not exploring these dimensions in greater depth.
Also, while the stock image is cool, I'm not convinced it communicates a unique and deeper understanding of your poem.
Also, stanza two is poetically rich, but leaves me with questions, wondering what you were writing about specifically.
DeleteI'm happy I asked you about the multimodal component....the one you later submitted shows a lot more depth.
DeleteFloyd- i liked how you made everything rhyme because it makes the poem more interesting and you used good comparisons in the end part of it
ReplyDeleteNigel good job, the rhyming of your poem gives a nice flow. I like that you emphasized the word eternity using repetition. All your literary devices were present and not hard to fine so good job.
ReplyDeleteI liked how you used examples that go with your title. Your rhyming made the poem flow through very well and the figurative language went well with what you were saying.
ReplyDelete